“I’ll be holding one bag, you hold this one. Shove the bloody mobile phone into your bag, you moron. You just stick to me. Don’t you dare release your hand from the handle. Don’t dream! Don’t...” she repeated for the hundredth time, emphasizing on the word “Don’t”. She was none other than my bossy sister who claimed to be a more seasoned train traveler than I was. Unfortunately, she was right!
Even after these unambiguous decisions, she continued to eye me warily. There was no missing the threat in her eyes lest I disobey her. I glanced around imperturbably, as if what I was about to do was an everyday affair. I hoped I looked confident because I was wobbly from within. I was not the least bit ready for my first journey in the ‘Sardine filled cans’, aptly termed ‘‘Mumbai’s local trains”.
The din was deafening. The swarm was maddening. The ‘aroma’ of stinky armpits was unbearable. Yuck! I felt as though I was trapped in a vortex that was sucking me in. “Aah!” Someone was standing on my foot. I tried to turn to face the person who was inflicting such pain on me, only to hear an old woman garbed in a burkha yell, “Chikni…Zyada uchal-machalna mat!” Huh? ‘Chikni??’!! eeww! In the interest of peace, I apologized to her and went back to my original position. Phew! Turn left or turn right… there were women and only women all around me- blaring, gossiping, bitching, wrestling n discussing issues as extraneous as a 25% sale in the local sari shop…Oh yes, there were inestimable groups of assorted Bhajan buffs, who not only peppered their journey with the audio outburst, but also insisted that the rest of the unenthusiastic co-passengers join them in their spiritual expedition. The melodies had striking resemblances with apna Himesh reshammiya’s dinchak bollywood numbers! Grrrrrr...!! The entire atmosphere was claustrophobic!
To add to my miseries, there were hawkers and beggars continuing their everyday routine. Shucks! Their marketing strategies were impeccable! “Pardesi pardesi.. jana nahinn…”coupled with “Dus ka teen..dus ka teen..”-ideal mishmash indeed! After turning, rotating, revolving, spinning, whirling, spiraling-- it took a ride in a Mumbai train to make me realize how supple the human anatomy could be!
What ensued did not match my wildest imagination! As soon as the train halted at Kurla station, all hell broke loose. People went bananas! Their civic sense went astray in thin air as they charged towards the train like a famished man would towards food or a rapacious tiger towards its quarry. I realized that to get in and out of a Mumbai local train, it required impeccable expertise, perfect modus operandi, doggedness and most importantly, awareness about some universally used ‘gaalis’ to counter attack!
Soon, the train started slowing down near Chembur station and we multiplied our efforts to arrive at the compartment's door. Within seconds, the train halted on the platform. Again, two apparently unbending forces -people wanting to get out of the train and people wanting to get in -- tested their immense vigor against each other. Trampled between their aspirations was poor me. I had no insight as to what I was doing or where I was going??? If it had not been for the uneasiness, I would have thought I was some kind of a ‘V.V.I.P.’, enclosed by people whose sole objective seemed to touch me. Suddenly, I realized much to my dismay, that of the many souls breathing on me, none was the recognizable face I was supposed to ‘stick to’.
I jumped out of the train, still holding on to my bag and looked for my sister with utter desperation. I could not spot her. I was entering some kind of a stupor. I found myself suspended on top of a few people. “Idiot, who the hell told you to leave my hand?” Unquestionably, that shrill wicked tone had to be my sister’s. The earsplitting pitch petrified me and I was forced to behave myself. Finally, with a lot of pushes and punches, I managed to come out of the horde. Seconds later, I found myself standing breathless on the platform. Hah! Finally, I heaved a sigh of relief. I felt as though I was released from captivity after being subjected to 3rd degree torture! My hair and clothes were scruffy, but I was super happy. Still holding on to my bag, I raised both my hands in the air in triumph. Everyone was staring at me intriguingly but I did not bother. They had no trace of how proud I was of myself. I had successfully completed my first journey on one of Mumbai's crowded locals!!
Wooppiieee!! :)
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