I’m on my first ride in a local ottto rickshaw in a tiny village in Kerala and 2 minutes into the journey, I look the first micro-mini fluorescent lungi on a hairy macho man, I’ve ever seen in the eye. SCANDALIZED!
Over a lovely weekend in God’s own country, I realize that Kerala is much more than just nariyal paani, elephants and the backwaters! The tables seem to be turning with the hands of the clock. Or so, one week into my sojourn, had me believe it.
Lesson 1: Fresh gajra and drawn eyebrows are food and shelter for all the keralite bombshells- only to be checked out from hair strand to toenail, by the testosterone charged and estrogen starved hairy-lungi clad chettas. Mind you, the situation remains the same, even if they are clad in a burkha.
Now, it is debatable whether the ‘macho men’ act in supreme public interest or are merely going public with their self-interest.
Lesson 2: History alas, is in the unmaking in this ‘blue state’. Blue-because of many reasons- with plush dams and seas on one end of this ville, scintillating posters of well-upholstered girls in tube tops and low waist shorts live up to the Bluedom! That it is scandalizing bears no repeating!
Lesson 3: Pose a question to them in English, they are sure to reply only in their lingo, leaving you back to square one. For once, I could derive some sense of what Raj Thackeray has been patronizing out here. “Endha Chetta?”
Lesson 4: Now, the names Unni Chetta, Sandhosh, Usha and Pooja are as common as Chang in China or Ali in Arabia.
Lesson 5: At corner shops, they sell you amazing coconut oil-dripping banana chips, after proudly assuring you that it’s the same place where Mamooty makes his daily purchases. The photo frames in the background stand proof to the same.
Lesson 6: They retreat for a siesta every afternoon, shutting out all prospective distractions, no matter what. But, this siesta is pretty much justified as they stuff their faces with a five-course meal, Payasam included.
Lesson 7: On rain-splayed afternoons, they sip on freshly brewed filter kaapi, with their colourful lungis folded knee high. Aaah!
Lesson 8: The roars of laughter that follow their hour long discussions are testimony to the irresistible Keralite charm- the ease with which life here follows a pattern that’s at once sleepy and zestful.
Lesson 9: It’s easy to lose yourself in Kerala, this slice of 21st century India that cherishes its past, despite the traffic jams, unsolicited socializing and lewdness, meterless ottto rides, lethargic attitudes even.
Personally, this land of mouth-watering nariyal paani, made me wish I owned a house there, on a tiny island where all everyone seems to do is eat fish curry and rice and sleep. It made me dream of chucking my job, setting up a beach shack and selling coconut-oil dripping pancakes and idlis--all at my leisure of course!
P.S: The above observations may smack of exaggeration, no doubt; but the riotous colours, the kitsch motifs and the peeping toms are for REAL.
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