Wanted BRIDE, from a respectable family, professionally qualified, able to understand and appreciate life, caring and affectionate, believe in open and committed relationship with interest in music, books, sports, movies and food, God fearing, home loving, domestically trained, fair complexion, beautiful, slim, modern outlook, for Chi. Swaminathan Iyer [AKA Sam], MBA, working as Associate Vice President, drawing seven digit salary per annum, clean habits, Wt. 90kgs., Height. 6’1”. Born on 07-12-1983 at 9.04 p.m. in Mumbai.
Voila! I guess I’ll fit the bill, leaving aside a few requirements that is!
Having old-almost deaf-with one foot in the grave-relatives can be a major curse in disguise! They are the ‘all-knowing’ and if a girl is 21 and is a graduate, she ought to get married and soon, be in the family way. The reason being: “My last wish is to hold my great-grandchild in my arms! I don’t think I’ll cross this year!”
Pardon me for the glaring grammatical errors, but well, I stumbled upon this ad in some matrimonial website whilst ‘Groom hunting’ for my more-than-eligible-spinster-sister!
The entire ‘Ebay-esque groom hunting’ is fascinating-unbelievable, actually! In case you are on the lookout of some baseless entertainment, make sure you check out random profiles that have people making a buffoonery of themselves! The impeccable engliss and the goddarn photos of the self-proclaimed hunks and beauties, will make even the dullest of days super entertaining…personally, I feel like Megan Fox at the end of the entire ordeal! [For a few minutes at least!]
Now, leaving the entire entertainment factor aside, the entire concept of online hunting is very superficial indeed. I know it is working wonders in the Indian wedding market, but if you happen to mull over it for two minutes, don’t you think the entire ‘legal human trafficking’ [an over-exaggerated version of what I’m trying to convey] is inane and almost insane?
How on earth can you decide if any ‘eligible Bride’ can ‘understand and appreciate life’? It sounds more like an ad to promote Baba Ramdev’s yog asans!
Personally, I judge life by the moment. The days I have early morning lectures, have to put up with mum’s running commentary, have noisy and nosy guests for dinner, have 30 bucks remaining in my pocket- life seems crappy, and ‘appreciating it’ wouldn’t even be the last thing on my mind! While on the days when I watch a romantic chick-flick; watch Federer slam Nadal; gobble down yummilicious mum-made Palak paneer, get ‘big’ birthday presents - life is a Dutch truffle! So, this requirement is baseless.
And for Christ’s sake, what does one try to indicate by ‘fair complexion, beautiful and slim looks’? Isn’t it ‘racism’ at its best? Why don’t people make an issue out of this? And what the hell do you mean by beautiful? Shehnaz Hussain owns a beauty care company. She is a lot of things, but beautiful is surely not one of them. Creepy is!
What if five years down the line, you suddenly develop ugly wrinkles and uglier dark circles and ye, tubes of ‘Fair and lovely’ don’t seem to work? Please note that Sam [probably with two pack abs of flab] actually has the nerve to hunt for a ‘slim’ girl, only to be christened the ideal Mrs. Laurel and Mr. Hardy!
I can actually go on and on about every godforsaken requirement enlisted there. But for the sake of retaining my sanity and sanctity, I choose not to.
Later!
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